Saturday, December 10, 2011

I'm Keeping Christ in Christmas...and Stretched Across My Tits

I've had a rough go of it this year trying to eke out a drop, particle, or even an inkling of Christmas spirit.

Part of it is that I'm not looking forward to winter.  Last year we had some pretty wicked storms up my way, and countless times I had to change plans because of the inclemency of it all.  Somehow, the same storms that cancel fun do not cancel responsibilities such as work, and I had to drive in the mess, anyway.  The year just flew by, as they do, so now I'm looking down the barrel of another Indiana winter, and I'm just not that into it.  All the snowy Christmas images and wintery scenes from Christmas classics are not doing it for me.

Whatever it is that's making me a Scrooge, I'm doing my best to find the positives that will get me through the potential annoyances of the coming holiday.  Here are a few holiday-related pick-me-ups that have given me enough of a smile to carry on with all of the bollocks.

This T-shirt

I was reading something online, and this picture popped to the side as an advert.  I thought for sure it said something snarky, but in clicking on it, I found that it was completely sincere.

In case you can't see the whole thing (and who can blame you due to ta-ta distortion?), it reads, "I'm keeping CHRIST in CHRISTmas, and more importantly, in my heart."  This made me laugh tremendously.  I love the idea that maybe they put this shirt on a "killer rack" in the hopes that it would "fly off the racks."  I worked at a Christian retail store a million years ago, so if I were still doing that, I would be selling funny stuff like this.  Wow.

Author Visit

At my company holiday party last night, I got to meet one of my favorite authors, Christopher Paolini, who wrote (not writes...sad!) the Inheritance Cycle, which consists of Eragon, Eldest, Brisingr, and Inheritance.  He was there to chat and autograph books, and I got the latest book signed.  My heart went pitter-pat (nerdgasm) when I got my turn with the man, and it was a really great experience. 

Besides it being personally satisfying to meet who I believe is a really great young author, it was a little awe-inspiring to be in his presence.  That may seem a little extreme, but it is not an exaggeration to state that I have a job because this guy writes great books.  Publishing is an ever-changing industry, which makes it challenging and exciting, but it really feels a little off-kilter when it literally changes on a day to day basis in an unpredictable way.  In a world that is this fluid, a bestseller keeps a publishing company afloat.  Seriously, one hit a year can be a savior, even for a massive publishing house. 

This very young man has given us four blockbusters in his young life, and millions and millions of his books have flown out of our facility.  On its release day, his most recent book sold nearly half a million copies, and hardcover books dominated that figure by 85 percent.  Even in the following weeks, hard copies continued to sell in huge numbers.  The selling of both physical and digital books are great for the industry and for my particular company, but when people want physical copies like that in droves, it says something about the personal connection they have with the content and author.  I could go on and on about this topic, and it would bore you to tears, but the crux is that an author like Christopher means livelihood for many, many people, and for that he got a standing O last night. 

And I got my own type of O when he stood right by my table before taking the stage.

Putting up my tree

...Which I seriously had to force myself to do.  Usually, I put it up the day after Thanksgiving, but as I said, I just wasn't into it this year.  I finally got it put up on Tuesday, which was the 6th of December.  That's pretty late for me.  I stuck in a dvd of Christmas Vacation, thinking that comedy might boost my Xmas 'tude a bit (I knew Christmas music would just piss me off), and dove in to my decorations. 

I didn't put everything out--the little Christmas villiage I have is still in storage.  I put up a bunch of stockings and my tree, and that's about it (I need to retrieve the Nightmare Before Christmas music box/snowglobe that my brother and sister-in-law gave me from my closet.  It's awesome, and it's going out tonight).  I did start to feel a little  happier when I realized how kitchy most of my ornaments were.  I love my Kermit who is delivering gifts via bicycle.  Also, I didn't realize how many Harry Potter ornaments I have.  Seeing them gave me inspiration to go get the HP finger puppet set I got last year for Christmas, and use those for ornaments, too.  Best of all, I decided to make Dumbledore the topper (insert good-spirited, respectful gay joke here).

I love how the puppet of He-who-must-not-be-named could also pass for the lady Satan in The Passion of the Christ.

Anyway, I don't know if I feel any more Christmas-y, but I'm happy that my tree is up.  I have it plugged into an outlet that is on a circuit with one of my light switches, so it looks all cheerful and stunning when I flip the switch and the tree lights up the dark room all on its own.  I like how snarky it looks with a gay, purple-clad wizard on top.  The season will be gay and bright indeed. 

Somehow, it always is. 


  1. Holy Cow I am jealous that you got to meet Chrostopher P.!
    What an amazing opportunity. Cool beans.

  2. Hi, Julie. :)

    He is very cool! I felt very lucky, indeed. I hope he'll write loads of more books! I love his writing. :)

  3. That t-shirt made me laugh hysterically out loud. And then I showed Nathan who also laughed out loud. I kinda want it so I can wear it ironically.

  4. :) The fact that you have to walk around the chick to read it all is what makes it extra awesome. It's like, "Boobs! Now with more Christ-y goodness!"


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