A number of times last week I broached the subject of Oprah's departure with members of various social circles, or they with me. For the most part, this was a perfectly natural line of conversation met with some sadness and often general talk of that lady's intelligence and humanitarianism. However, more than once, my mentioning the O-word brought an awkward pause at least and an angry tirade at worst. At times like this I remembered, "Oh...right. She prays to the wrong god. Encourages book-learnin'. She votes for Democrats, which is the same as urinating on a flag. Worst of all, she does it all while being black."
I'm currently at a public library, and a homeschooling session is taking place at a table next to me. The mother is teaching a twelve-ish year old boy science from the Old Testament. I realize that this resembles a joke once used on 30 Rock, but I am not kidding. This is really happening. Right now.
Speaking of that show, I just finished Tina Fey's book, Bossypants. I know I don't have to tell anyone how hysterically funny it is, but seriously while reading it--a few times I thought I was gonna die. It's all equally dizzying, no one chapter better than the other, but I'll mention her "Mother's Prayer for Its Child," simply because it fits the category of this post. (Prayer...get it?). So, to quote from Bossypants, among the things she asks for:
- No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
- Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.
- May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
- O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
Obviously, all of this theological pondering can be summed up by that church chorus that has (plagued) bouyed congregations since the eighties...
Our Fey is an awesome Fey.