Thursday, June 23, 2011

Magneto von Bulow Part II

Last time, I wrote about how one late night had nearly turned me into a shut-in.  Clarity washed over me as urine through a soiled catheter (sorry, that sounded funnier in my head), and I quickly spanked myself into gear.

I've lost the steam to go into lots of detail (readers, rejoice!), but the gist is that in spite of my best efforts to get outside, a storm wrecked my groove.  I went from a dark, viciously air-conditioned apartment watching The Flying Nun to a dark, viciously air-conditioned cinema watching X-Men: First Class (which is really just a cooler, more intense Flying Nun, no?  She's clearly a mutant.  I wonder if Professor X ever saw her flying around while using Cerebro?). 

Being in public and clean seemed an improvement, though, and I did learn a few things from the X-Men film:
  1. Kevin Bacon is responsible for the Cuban missile crisis.
  2. The most effective use of one's power is found at the mid-point between serenity and rage.  Too much serenity and you're wearing sunglasses indoors while eating a sundae from bone china before entering a decades-long coma.  That's too much.  That's Sunny von Bulow.  Too much rage, and you're turning the iron in someone's blood into tiny bullets shooting out of his or her torso.  That's too much.  That's Magneto.  Balance lies in having enough serenity to walk peaceably through life and enough rage to get behind a cause (or two, or more) and make a change for the better.  That's just enough of both.  That's Magneto von Bulow. 
The last lesson is this:  I need a mutation and a mutant name.  Catha-terra?  She can internally filter, process and rehydrate herself with her own urine, never having to go to the bathroom.  Or reuse catheters.  (That advert really did a number on me). 

I don't know, there's got to be something better.  I really like the name Blue Marilyn for a mutant, but that's just because it's a Will & Grace reference that makes me laugh.*  I'm not sure what Blue Marilyn would do...and there are already loads of blue mutants.

Maybe she could just have a freakish ability to make the perfect Blue Marilyn. 

*Will's mother Marilyn, played by Blythe Danner:  "Karen, try my famous holiday cocktail, the Blue Marilyn. I started drinking them to prevent thoughts of suicide. But now, they're just fun!"

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