Wednesday, February 16, 2011
One of the other chaperones with our group asked what it meant to me. I gave what I think was a genuine answer for me at the time. The gray side was me without Christ (God, Christianity, religion, the community, etc.--all of the door prizes that come along with him), and the more confetti-splattered side was my life with him. You know, presumedly more colorful, exciting, real, vivid...you get it.
And there stamped in the middle of it was a cross. I was marked. Marked by baptism. Marked by the Holy Spirit. Branded by God.
I still have this displayed in a shadow box, and I still like it, but it holds a vastly different meaning for me now. For one thing, I haven't attended church regularly for almost two years. Religion doesn't have the hold on me that it did then, and I've come to understand more deeply how religions form and how they can skew one's worldview. I've come to a place in my life where I'm no longer able or willing to believe a world of doctrines and views that go against what all of my senses tell me is true.
Now the sides of the mask have flip-flopped in meaning. The gray side is me when I was trying so hard to conform to scripture and what I thought was rigid truth. The more colorful side is me now, letting myself breathe, discovering myself, being open to the world and how beautiful it is, and being open to how amazing and good people are.